It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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