If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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