I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
