I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
