Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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