how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
