We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
