Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
