On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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