Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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