i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
