Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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