I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
