Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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