Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
