Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
