I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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