Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
