Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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