Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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