Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
