I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it hurts more in the daytime
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sext me about skeletons
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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