Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
