In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
