if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize