just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
