you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
