Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
