and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
