just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Randomize
