Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
