She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
