I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
