i just had sex bonerless
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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