so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
