guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
