I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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