I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Randomize
