So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
