I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize