hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize