Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
