There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
