I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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