New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
