it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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