dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
