That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
A bitchslap is in order.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
