I checked into jail on foursquare
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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