I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
