drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
