my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Your penis caused this!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
