The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
