Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
