they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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