I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
