If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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