I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
