Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
