bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There's always time for handjobs
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
