so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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