tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
