i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
